A Groom’s Guide: Quick Tips for The Man’s Role in Wedding Planning

In helping our couples plan their weddings and receptions at our New Jersey wedding venue, we’ve noticed that the grooms have started taking an increased interest, if not an increased role, in the details of planning their weddings. This for us has been a good sign. Taking an active part in the preparations for your special day with your significant other shows the importance you place on your wedding and also improves communication, lightens the workload for the other partner, and makes for a celebration that both the bride and groom will enjoy

While it may be easy for the groom to simply say “I want her to get whatever she wants” and take a hands-off approach by thinking he just doesn’t know or care about wedding details, and he won’t want to get in the way, the truth is that once a groom does participate, he often finds at least a few things that are of interest to him and on which he can actually offer some valuable input. And even if not, it’s always a positive to at least make the effort rather than to make the excuse.

Here are a few wedding planning tips for the groom:

• Make an effort. You may be certain your bride-to-be has it all covered, and maybe she does, but at least knowing you were interested and offered to help will be a good start to your happily ever after.

• Get organized. Help your soon-to-be wife by being proactive with those things that she may actually need your help with. Put together a list of names of people on your side of the family, and your close friends that you believe would be important to invite to your wedding. This is hopefully something you will know more about than she would. But don’t stop there–in the age of Facebook and email, you may not have all the contact information you’ll need to formally invite guests to your wedding. Ask your bride how she is going to build her list so you can follow the same method (for example, if she’s using a spreadsheet, creating your list in the same way will make it much quicker and easier to merge the two lists when the time comes). Then gather up all the contact information you can.  Correct spellings of names. Phone numbers. And, current physical mailing addresses. Yes, even if you have to ask your mother for help. This way when it comes to deciding who makes the final list and sending out the invitations, you will have made at least one thing less stressful of an experience for your fiancé.

• Clear the way. You don’t have to know the difference between peonies and anemones to be helpful with planning your wedding. Sometimes more than just helping to pick the wedding flower arrangements, what is really needed from the groom is pitching in with little things to make the process easier for your fiancé. That means running errands, doing some basic research, and yes, if you have a mother or family that you think may want to have too much of a say in the process, you’ll need to be the one to protect your bride from the onslaught of suggestions, ideas, and agendas of others. Strike the right balance of knowing where to help and where not to help.

• Make thoughtful choices. When it comes to picking your best man, groomsmen and ushers, don’t just think about who would put together the best bachelor party. Remember, your best man will be making a speech at your wedding in front of both you and your bride’s friends and family. Be sure to plan ahead and give your groomsmen clear direction.  The groomsmen are representations of you. Be sure to give them all the information they need about the timelines for getting their tuxedos, arrival times for rehearsals, and other important dates. Don’t assume anything or rely on them to just remember either. Keep in solid communication, so there’s no chance your best man will text you minutes before the wedding asking, “where is the church again?” If you give a clear roadmap and set the expectations early, you won’t risk causing any worry for your bride, or worse, make her have to play the bad guy with them.

But if there’s any one thing you can do to be involved in your wedding planning process, it’s to help make your bride feel that you do care about it, and her, and how important it is to her. The best way to prove that love is by being organized, proactive, well scheduled, and especially being there to help when help is needed; a message also worth remembering well beyond your wedding day.